Bigger on the Inside

- post from Dad

Alex is three weeks old today! What a miracle he has been. Little Alex has made us a family and has brought us together in a way I never imagined. He has been teaching us so many things these last few weeks- but above all he has given us lessons on love, and the real power of prayer and faith. He is such a blessing. I know that even though he is so small, his little spirit made the decision to stay with us. While I'm sure it is scary, painful, and confusing for our baby, somehow he gains the resolve and strength to continue his daily struggle. 

After his first extremely challenging day on earth he had two great weeks where he was able to learn to breathe on his own with a little help from a machine which provided oxygen through a nasal cannula. He has had a bit of a set back this past week and on Sunday was set on a different machine which would help do more of the breathing for him. His levels had also been fluctuating overall and it was difficult to keep him stable. He was having episodes of oxygen desaturation and needed to be helped manually to breathe. 

The doctors and nurses had told us to expect a roller coaster ride with good days and bad days. We had gotten so used to Alex being a little "super-man" and "rock star" like the nurses called him, that his turn caught us emotionally unprepared. Alex has had a rough week. His breathing and oxygen levels have improved the last few days but there are still other aspects which constantly need to be monitored. There is so much more going on inside him that one would not normally think about. At times it is a bit overwhelming to think of the amount of things that are being checked. His oxygen levels, carbon dioxide, heart rate, sodium, glucose, and sugar levels to name a few. 

With the lights and alarms from monitors and various machines keeping him alive, it's easy to be distracted by looking at the numbers. But when I see him lying in bed, looking peaceful and sometimes peeking out at us, everything else just fades away and I see my boy. Not just the little micro-preemie who is hooked up to machines, IV's, monitoring devices and tubes, but the son we have prayed and waited for. 

I asked one of his nurses how well babies this small can see. She mentioned they could likely only make out light and dark, and probably not be able to see past 6 inches. Sometimes though, I feel like he can see clearer than my eyes can. He looks at Montana and me with his large, dark, beautiful eyes and I know there is so much strength and knowledge in him. A strength one cannot imagine lies within a body so tiny, and a lingering knowledge of where he came from. 

He grows a little each day. He finally weighs more than his birth weight and is steadily increasing. He is tolerating mom's milk which is the best thing for him. The nutrition he gets will help him outgrow the various challenges he is facing. His feet are about half the size of my thumb, and three of his fingers fit in the length of one of my fingernails. Still a tiny guy, but a tremendous spirit. 

Montana made Alex a turkey decoration out of his footprint for Thanksgiving. We visited Alex in the morning and drove up to Blackfoot for Thanksgiving dinner with family. I was hesitant to leave Ogden even for a short while, but being away for a few hours was a break from the hospital and hotel room that has been our environment the last three + weeks straight. We got back by evening that same day and, while we greatly enjoyed the visit to Idaho, were excited to be back closer to our little boy again. Alex will be in the hospital for the next several holidays - and while the circumstances have not been ideal, we are thrilled to have our baby with us to celebrate the times. 

We love Alex and have also felt the love and genuine concern from all of you. Thank you for your support and prayers. I know they have helped us and Alex.